In which I suffer a bad case of Verbal Diarrhea

A huge shout-out to the family who asked to see the house a second time.  Thanks for the notice of 2 hours on my birthday while Jason was at work.  And pat yourselves on the back for realizing that the bedrooms are STILL too small.  You mean they didn't get bigger since the last visit?  How curious!  Next time you could try to top yourselves by calling to schedule a showing during naptime.  Or better yet - maybe around 2 or 3 am?  Tonight?  Great.  But only if you promise not to buy my house again.

A big thanks to the realtor who showed up at noon without contacting our real estate agent.  No no PLEASE!  Help yourself!  Come on in and make yourself at home.  The kids are napping and I just got the baby to sleep.  But we would love to play 52 card pick-up and get the house presentable so you can take 2 completely uninterested people through the house.  Oh the smell?  No, it doesn't come with the house.  But why don't I carry the trash can to my car and store it in there while you go through.  That way, the poo smell doesn't distract you.  It's okay.  We'll just open the windows in this sweltering heat.

But truly I love the showings.  Shoving three small children in a 6 foot by 4 foot space for 2 hours so you can walk through my house is a joyful event.  Shall I pour you a top shelf gimlet whilst you peruse my belongings?  Perhaps you would like to "chat" about the shortcomings of my house while you stand on my front porch 15 minutes past your appointment time.  We'll just hang out in the van together.  I have nothing better to do.  The kids can eat dinner next week.  

Oh what was that?  There is no master bathroom?  OOHHHH THE HORROR!!

You mean you have to share a toilet?  

With other...people??

Well then I get it.  Now please get the hell out of my house.

I am fairly certain that I am so far away from learning whatever lesson God is trying to teach me in humility or patience that this house might never sell.  But I have mastered one method of coping.

Stress eating....

I feel much better now that I'm wasted on gin and potato chips...


  1. Prayers for you, Mamma! This is my worst nightmare...I am DREADING this part! We are trying to up our moving timeline from Oct to mid-Aug. Not sure I'm going to make it with all the stress! You and I must be getting HUGE graces with this :)

  2. hahahahaha, wasted on gin and potato chips.

    Seriously though, praying that some fool who doesn't watch too much HGTV buys your cute, real-life house asap.

  3. 1) CUDOS for the use of the word diarrhea in the post title- new goal for me.
    2) Blogging should be your new preferred coping mechanism since- you are hilarious.
    3) I am so so so sorry that this is so stressful!! I am totally dreading this now in a few years, just glad I have a few years now to mentally prepare for it. I will surely say some prayers for you!

  4. House showings are the WORST. In this day and age of 24/7 communication there is no reason for a realtor to drop by unannounced. When we sold this last house, I was such a witch with all my showing provisions (must have 4 hour notice. if no verbal confirmation, no showing, etc. etc.), but with lots of little ones, you need that time to prepare.

  5. ugh! I will never understand why people come through a house that they aren't actually interested in. Have you noticed that today's buyers are incredibly spoiled? Even those out to find a first home? We're relisting our house and I'm not excited about it, but guess it is a necessary evil if we're ever going to move! Try to keep your sense of humor and trust that God will give you the graces needed to get through this stressful time.

  6. I have never had to get a house ready to show. I wish we could and buy a different house, but that will never happen, so not sure we will ever be in your shoes, but I am so sorry that it is so miserable!! Here is to praying it sells REALLY soon!

  7. My stress eating choice (when I choose to stress eat -- usually I stress starve myself) is pub cheese and veggie chips from Trader Joe's. Oh yeah, I usually do Coca-Cola instead of gin because my liver has a death wish but I haven't abused my pancreas enough.

    Here's hoping that the house sells soon and you can stop dealing with the moronic fringes of society. ;)

  8. First time commenter. Love your blog!! I just have to say that maybe you could lease out your home? The accountant in me is thinking about the tax benefits:)) if you have family in the area to keep an eye on it or hire a property manager.
    Just a thought:)

    Kim chrisman

    Ps: I LOVE how you let your kids dress in costumes and play. You're a great mom

  9. Oh man, our realtor sucks, but at least he tells people we have a 24 hour advance notice if they want to see the house. Because it takes us that long to clean it!! Good luck, you poor girl.

  10. lol i'm dying. the gin....oh man.

    Hope your future house seers are better (seer is not a word....see-errrrs)

  11. that sounds like i had a lot of gin. i have not.

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