Warning: this is not a funny post. But the pictures at the end are!!
Whenever October hits, I am always reminded of someone I never had the chance to meet:
My brother Kevin
He was only 9 years old when he was hit by a truck and killed. It was so sudden and tragic that I'm not really sure how my mom survived it. Somehow she did.
A couple months ago, my Uncle sent me this adorable photo of Kevin as a baby. He would have turned 43 years old next week.
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| (I think his chin and cheeks resemble Roman just a little!) |
There is something very different about a family that has experienced a loss like this. I think that a lot of people spend time worrying about life and death, especially parents. But a family that can put a face and a name to tragedy, and a time, and an age...well, it is just different. Whenever I meet a woman who tells me about all her grown children, I am always surprised to hear that they are all alive, and I am less surprised to hear if she has lost a child. It should probably be the other way around??
My oldest brother Steve was 12 years old when Kevin died and my sister was 6. I just can't imagine. Whenever I see Roman and Leo playing together, I immediately think of Steve and Kevin. The connection I draw isn't because I worry that something will happen to one of them. I just think about the relationship my brothers must have had and how long they had spent every single day of their lives together. I think of my own children and husband in a much more temporary way, always surprised that I get another day with them. Especially in October around Kevin's birthday.
The reason I started thinking about it so heavily this month was because the connection between Leo and Roman is so strong right now. Now that Roman is so verbal, I know exactly how many times a day he thinks about Leo. The first person Roman asks for when he wakes up is "Wo". And when he goes to bed at night, he always asks where "Wo" is. And they are only 5 years old and 20 month old!
The other day I was working in the den with the door shut and Roman was trying to get in there to see me. When he asked Jason, he just told him to leave Momma alone and go play. So Roman went into the playroom and asked Leo, "Momma? Momma?" And Leo said, "Okay little buddy! C'mon!" and the next thing I knew the door to the den flew open.
Leo takes his role as big brother very seriously. He even attached a baby doll stroller to the back of his bike so Roman can ride around the house.
I don't mean for this to be a dark or creepy post (even though it it turning into one...especially with all the creepy Nursery Rhymes my kids are singing right now). It is just something that I think about all the time. And I don't really think about it with Elena - mostly just Leo and Roman. And even though these children don't belong to me, they belong to God, I really hope He doesn't have any plans to take any of them early. I think I'll probably view their 10th birthdays as major milestones.
I am fairly sure that this is a result of Kevin's death (a person I never even met!), but I wonder if other people see their kids the same way because we are all so worried about something happening to our children??
I don't have any answers, but I did want to comment and say thank you for sharing Kevin with us.
ReplyDeletethis is so sad. sorry for your loss.
ReplyDeleteno i never lost a 9 year old but the stillbirth badly affected our entire family. not diminishing miscarriages, but there is something a bit more about having a funeral, getting a coffin, having a gravestone etc...my baby was 40 weeks. ...I do worry about something happening to one of kids but I try to let it go since I know I can't control anything. Plus, I know everyone has a certain number of days on this earth and i can not control that. I think a large part of faith in God is just letting go of control and accepting God's will.
...and i thought i was the only one that looked at people in terms of their losses of kids too if you kwim? for instance, when I meet say, an old lady, and she tells me she had 5 kids I wonder, and how many did you miscarry or bury? lol...but not--creepy but yeah I get it.
my grandmother died this year and her birthday is oct 28--or was--or is..?? So... there is that connection...She loved candy. chocolate and hard candy and all kinds...so I will have some candy on her birthday and remember her this year...and your brother now too.
My husband had a few friends that died in middle childhood. I never knew anyone that died as a child. But the one family--they had 10 children and 3 losses and one died at age 13. It impacted the family severely. But--in a good way. They all grew very close together. They still are super close. They all live in the same neighborhood still after marrying and having kids. Except one--she became a NUN. So, My experiences is this that when tragedy happens like this it either breaks a family apart or binds them together and makes them stronger and more spiritually bonded...
and my kids are like this too. So connected to each other. They are each other's best friends.
ohh and yes he does look like one of your boys and apparently has the same genes the way he is into the closets and mischief. Hey, that's a sign of intelligence, right ??? You can just tell he was spunky and had that spark of life--just like you guys. :)
and my kids did that same thing too with their tricycles...they hooked up several tricycles and strollers together and created some type of train...very noisy and wild. Drove me nuts.
With Cari on this. Thanks for sharing the story of your brother Kevin with us. *hugs*
ReplyDeletei can't even imagine. thank you for sharing this.... literally i cannot.
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