Warning: this is not a funny post. But the pictures at the end are!!
Whenever October hits, I am always reminded of someone I never had the chance to meet:
My brother Kevin
He was only 9 years old when he was hit by a truck and killed. It was so sudden and tragic that I'm not really sure how my mom survived it. Somehow she did.
A couple months ago, my Uncle sent me this adorable photo of Kevin as a baby. He would have turned 43 years old next week.
|(I think his chin and cheeks resemble Roman just a little!)|
There is something very different about a family that has experienced a loss like this. I think that a lot of people spend time worrying about life and death, especially parents. But a family that can put a face and a name to tragedy, and a time, and an age...well, it is just different. Whenever I meet a woman who tells me about all her grown children, I am always surprised to hear that they are all alive, and I am less surprised to hear if she has lost a child. It should probably be the other way around??
My oldest brother Steve was 12 years old when Kevin died and my sister was 6. I just can't imagine. Whenever I see Roman and Leo playing together, I immediately think of Steve and Kevin. The connection I draw isn't because I worry that something will happen to one of them. I just think about the relationship my brothers must have had and how long they had spent every single day of their lives together. I think of my own children and husband in a much more temporary way, always surprised that I get another day with them. Especially in October around Kevin's birthday.
The reason I started thinking about it so heavily this month was because the connection between Leo and Roman is so strong right now. Now that Roman is so verbal, I know exactly how many times a day he thinks about Leo. The first person Roman asks for when he wakes up is "Wo". And when he goes to bed at night, he always asks where "Wo" is. And they are only 5 years old and 20 month old!
The other day I was working in the den with the door shut and Roman was trying to get in there to see me. When he asked Jason, he just told him to leave Momma alone and go play. So Roman went into the playroom and asked Leo, "Momma? Momma?" And Leo said, "Okay little buddy! C'mon!" and the next thing I knew the door to the den flew open.
Leo takes his role as big brother very seriously. He even attached a baby doll stroller to the back of his bike so Roman can ride around the house.
I don't mean for this to be a dark or creepy post (even though it it turning into one...especially with all the creepy Nursery Rhymes my kids are singing right now). It is just something that I think about all the time. And I don't really think about it with Elena - mostly just Leo and Roman. And even though these children don't belong to me, they belong to God, I really hope He doesn't have any plans to take any of them early. I think I'll probably view their 10th birthdays as major milestones.
I am fairly sure that this is a result of Kevin's death (a person I never even met!), but I wonder if other people see their kids the same way because we are all so worried about something happening to our children??