1) I have a deviated septum. I can only breathe through one nostril at a time depending on which way the wind blows. If you wanted to suffocate me, you don't have to do much work. Just cover my mouth and one nostril and bam - I'm dead. This also led to some embarrassing side-effects. I started snorting when I laughed in high school. My friends knew how to gauge their joke by whether or not they got a full on snort from me. If the snort came, then they told a legit funny. If not, they tried harder. I snapped out of it sometime in the second half of my 20s but it took a good bit of work. (And a little less booze.)
2) My very first job was at David's Bridal. I was basically an indentured servant for a summer. I fetched dresses and returned them to their proper spots. Those dresses weighed more than I did (actually just kidding..I was tubby kid). It was much more of a physical job than I expected. I graduated to Old Navy for a year. I *thought* I wanted to be a cashier. Then when I became a cashier I realized you are stuck in one place all day and hated it. Next job: Brewpub. And there I stayed :) ('Splains a lot, huh?)
3) I grew up in, what can loosely be referred to, as a cult-like community. I always forget this is an interesting part of my past until I meet a lot of new people and they are fascinated. But that's just because I'm really good at repressing. I remember nothing from 1981-2000. Seriously. I think I took a 2 month trip with my family through Europe when I was 14, but I couldn't tell you anything about it except that I put on 20 lbs due to lethargy and eating out for 2 months straight.
4) Once, a legitimately crazy woman I supervised stopped me in a stairwell, threw down the envelopes in her hands, and jumped back a few steps. She then started screaming, "YOU WANT TO HIT ME?!!? Go ahead and HIT ME!!!"
She didn't get fired. But a coworker did jello her staple removers. And all was right with the world again.
I really couldn't make this stuff up if I tried.
5) I have only ever been on one date in my life. I hate "dates". They are too formal and pressure-filled. In fact, I told him I didn't want to go out but he wouldn't take no for an answer. In order to try and get out of it, my roommate and I planned a normal night at home. I hoped that when he came in, he would turn around and leave. The normal night at home involved an oversized wool sweater, socks and birkenstocks, loose jeans, ponytail, beer in mason jars, dinosaur chicken nuggets, and shrinky-dinks. I wouldn't leave for the date until my shrinky-dink was complete. I still have it.
Unfortunately I didn't get rid of the guy until much later and wasted quite a bit of time on him. Should have stuck with my instincts and declined the date. We went to the theater and watched Black Hawk Down. After the movie, he told me his life story which involved being an Army Ranger sent to Bosnia in a helicopter that was shot down (had bullet in knee to prove it) and he survived and was resc.....
WAIT A MINUTE?!?!
Wish I had put two and two together a lot earlier about this crazy arse... But I was young and naive.
Now I get to tag 5 other people. Brooke, Julie, Kristen, Cynthia and City Wife!
#3: WOW. I read the WaPo pieces. That's insane!
ReplyDeleteYou are all levels of interesting!
ReplyDeleteWow on #3!
ReplyDeleteok seriously. the cult thing? That needs WAY more details...were you born into it? did your parents join? i feeeeel the need to know all the details :)
ReplyDeletealso, the guy - L O L!
Yes, just read every WaPo part. Tell all book in your future. Love the photos! Especially the first one. They lack a swirly soundtrack though.
ReplyDeleteYou're. Welcome.
ReplyDelete