Guidelines for air travel with small children edition
1) Did you just include "air travel" and "small children" in the same sentence? You are an idiot and clearly in some alcohol-induced dream sleep. Go back to bed.
2) If you are unable to go back to sleep despite many failed efforts, pack the children inside the suitcase. Okay - so that one is overdone a little, but it is seriously the only sane option here.
Equally as insane is praying for your children to behave on the plane. The more likely prayer to be answered is the prayer for the patience (and earphones) of the travelers around you.
3) Choose a seat in the back of the plane. Between the dull roar of the engine and the constant flushing of the potty, no one will even notice your screaming children.
4) While the plane is boarding, hang the infant out into the aisle and encourage the older ones to jump up and down in their seats. If there are any empty seats on that plane, they will surely be in your row. (The frequent flyer sitting next to me offered to pinch Roman so he would start crying and further ensure that our middle seat would stay vacant.)
5) Hit up the Dollar Store before you leave. Dollar store toys, candy and playdoh will distract them long enough for you to take a sip of your 3 oz Southwest rum and coke. Then retreat to the airplane lavatory and wait for the plane to park.
6) Keep a wad of cash handy to buy a steady stream of candy from fellow passengers. (True story...)
7) If you don't have a portable motion-picture device - just cancel your trip.
And please remember to always tip your driver!
This Quick Takes brought to you by the jerk next to me on our completely full airplane who, as I walked to the bathroom with Roman to change his diaper, asked Jason if I would be coming back...
Thank you to Jen for hosting!!!
HA! What did the jerk think, you had an escape hatch and a parachute? Thanks once again for bringing a chuckle to my morning. :-)
ReplyDeleteFunny! Have a great trip!
ReplyDeleteIn our early years we flew a lot. I would never attempt it now. We had a nightmare flight once where I almost literally punched some lady who told my kids to shut up. Surprisingly it wasn't on the news but I could have been one of those national news story's. It really was a nightmare.
ReplyDeletePeople are really intolerant of kids on planes-- at least in my experience.
LOL! omg im dying laughing over here. minus the jerk - what were you going to do? Flush yourself down the toilet?!
ReplyDeleteActually, I just flew down to LA and back with Daniel so I get ALL OF THESE. I was actually thinking that moms should get complimentary booze.
ReplyDelete