A huge shout-out to the family who asked to see the house a second time. Thanks for the notice of 2 hours on my birthday while Jason was at work. And pat yourselves on the back for realizing that the bedrooms are STILL too small. You mean they didn't get bigger since the last visit? How curious! Next time you could try to top yourselves by calling to schedule a showing during naptime. Or better yet - maybe around 2 or 3 am? Tonight? Great. But only if you promise not to buy my house again.
A big thanks to the realtor who showed up at noon without contacting our real estate agent. No no PLEASE! Help yourself! Come on in and make yourself at home. The kids are napping and I just got the baby to sleep. But we would love to play 52 card pick-up and get the house presentable so you can take 2 completely uninterested people through the house. Oh the smell? No, it doesn't come with the house. But why don't I carry the trash can to my car and store it in there while you go through. That way, the poo smell doesn't distract you. It's okay. We'll just open the windows in this sweltering heat.
But truly I love the showings. Shoving three small children in a 6 foot by 4 foot space for 2 hours so you can walk through my house is a joyful event. Shall I pour you a top shelf gimlet whilst you peruse my belongings? Perhaps you would like to "chat" about the shortcomings of my house while you stand on my front porch 15 minutes past your appointment time. We'll just hang out in the van together. I have nothing better to do. The kids can eat dinner next week.
Oh what was that? There is no master bathroom? OOHHHH THE HORROR!!
You mean you have to share a toilet?
Well then I get it. Now please get the hell out of my house.
I am fairly certain that I am so far away from learning whatever lesson God is trying to teach me in humility or patience that this house might never sell. But I have mastered one method of coping.
I feel much better now that I'm wasted on gin and potato chips...